2001-12-14 - 6:09 p.m.

�Long ago, high on a mountain in Mexico, there lived a young shepherd boy Angelo, met a young girl and he loved her so��

Just another typical Thursday night, 2.30am and I�m in a club being snogged, alien face-hugger sty-lee by a lesbian (?) wanting to ward off unwanted attention from a gay man (?!). I thought about it and almost collapsed in a heap of multiple confused sexuality. And of course I heartily object to being used in so cynical a manner, and I immediately put a stop to it after twenty minutes or so. The prelude to this had been a fairly unremarkable office party where I tactically didn�t leave the free bar to avoid getting into any potentially-embarrassing-for-all-involved dancing scenarios with the management. Obviously the forty-six beers I�d downed whilst people recited their job descriptions to me hadn�t quite hit the spot and a hastily-compiled ragtag group of random co-workers was somehow mobilised into Soho to find bars that we could hide in and drink the bottles of wine we�d cunningly secreted. We managed to find a suitable candidate, too full of crowing media whores for anyone to notice us uncorking our strictly non-vintage wares. I was immediately cornered by an attractive young hippy female colleague who pulled the always-fulfilling �God, I�d really like to go back to your place and get naked but I�m really married so of course we can do no such thing, or ever speak of it again, but can I just talk about how much I�d like to for half an hour?� stunt (�Really? I�m so glad you mentioned it. No, it�s not at all frustrating! Would you excuse me whilst I kill myself? Thanks!�)

�Rich was she, came from a very high family, Angelo knew it could never be, they ran away to their destiny��

Contrary to popular belief and hard empirical evidence, you can drink late in this city. But the later you want to drink, the gayer you have to be. It�s fine if you want to order a beer at 3.30am, as long as you don�t mind being surrounded by a thousand e�d up topless muscle boys tripping their tits off to hard house music whilst you do it. Apparently last night a fair few of us didn�t mind at all. I�m not sure why most of the late bars and clubs are gay. I think homosexuals must not have jobs of consequence that they have to get up for of a morning.

�Running away together, running away forever, ANGELO! Running away from danger, hiding from every stranger, ANGELO!�

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