2001-11-07 - 2:23 p.m.
�I don�t love anyone. �Cos you�re not listenin�. You�re playin� with somethin�. You�re playin� with yourself�If there�s one thing that I learned when I was still a child it�s to take a hiding��
The London street mending department are resurfacing the road outside my house. They put a polite note through the door to say sorry for the inconvenience, and that work would mainly take place at night but they would try and �get the noisiest parts done by midnight�. Firstly, why only at night? The machinery is still there during the day, still causing an inconvenience, so why not use it then? Is the department staffed by mutant nocturnal workmen with albino skin whose sensitive eyes can only function in the moonlight and with the promise of double time for night shifts? Secondly, I was up past midnight last night (rock n� roll, I know). The pre-midnight noisiest parts sound like a direct hit on a munitions dump. The post-midnight parts sound exactly the same, but the machines seem to be operating a little bit slower, like the workmen are suddenly being really careful to try and be quiet, like you used to when you got home late and drunk to your parents� house, and they�d wake up because they thought the place was being turned over. Anyway, for ten days this is going on. I mean, some of us have to get up for work in a morning.
Not me, obviously�
�I don�t love anything, well not even Christmas�.Especially not that��
EVERYTHING�S FINE! An occasional section of enduring freedom that offers protection without feelings of discomfort.
Signs that interest in The War Against Terror (TWAT � cheers, Grim) is tailing off:
Celebrities unable to hold out any longer without an awards ceremony.
US Air Force dropping big-ass �Daisy Cutter� bombs on sites already cleared of donkeys and peasants by cluster bombs and cruise missiles, just for something to do.
Turning on a current affairs phone-in programme this morning and hearing the words �Girdles are BACK! Geoff from Manchester, what do you think of them?�
Getting all those e-mail fake comedy photos of Osama Bin Laden on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire for the second time.
Bush and Blair jabbering on about how Taliban �might have� a huge stash of weapons of mass destruction, just to keep things interesting.
Parents back to focussing on why I don�t have a proper job.
Oh and thanks, I know yesterday�s little spoof wasn�t word perfect, but I just do these things on the hop. It�s not like I have time to sit around for hours refining them�er, OK so I do, but anyway�
�I don�t love anyone, well maybe my sister�.And maybe my baby brother too, yeah�If there�s one thing that I learned when I was still a child it�s to take a hidin�, if there�s one thing that I learned when I was still a child it�s to be alone��
Today�s melodic Scot popsters
