2001-10-24 - 3:37 p.m.

�Now I don�t believe in an interventionist God�but I know darlin� that you do�but if I did, I would kneel down and ask him�not to intervene when it came to you��

The best offer I�ve had so far coincided with the abrupt end of my love affair with online scrabble. Innocently streaking ahead by 75 points about a third into the game, my opponent mis-spells the word �frottage� on a triple word score and launches into all-out seduction, if by �seduction� we read �makes a desperate plea for cyber sex�. �She� (we all know that �women� wanting online sex are six foot three with beards you could lose a badger in and a todger that would scare household pets.) wanted to roleplay a fantasy set in London in the 1800�s, and seemingly assuming the part of a prostitute, with me �all over her�. She got busy �rearranging her tiles� whilst I couldn�t work out if I was meant to be a punter, Jack the Ripper or a particularly severe case of Syphilis. Plus, when I didn�t play ball, she refused to forfeit the game, and we had to agree on a draw. She probably employs the same tactic every time she starts losing. I mean, of course, he. Only a man would turn a noble cerebral pursuit into just another attempt to get his undercrackers off.

�And I don�t believe in the existence of angels, but looking at you�I wonder if that�s true�but if I did I would summon them together�and ask them to watch over you��

Tonight, a least ditch attempt to get funding for the film, as El Director has set up meetings after a performance of some new play, which sadly means I have to sit through an hour of bleak tragedy set in the Bosnian war, though that will no doubt be light relief compared to the insincere negotiating shenanigans afterwards. He said we�d have a chance to �talk turkey�, which I assume, in his unswervingly hip player�s lingo, means, erm, �talk�, as opposed to, say, discuss the heroin trade in Istanbul. There�ll also be press there, though I�m not sure why. I guess, and if you�ll forgive the analogy, a film without press is about as much use as�a movie without media coverage.

In giving up all hope of a meaningful career news, I just agreed to go and sign on with an employment agency, since my strategy of sitting at home waiting for people to offer me well-paid jobs seems to have yielded less than stunning results. It�s weird to think that this time next week I could be back to being A Temp � ah, those heady days of timesheet forgery and as much stationery as you can eat. But rest assured I will be devoting my remaining days of freedom to diverting that very situation � the literary anthrax of my writing portfolio is poised to infect the offices of editors everywhere, and I can only hope they haven�t had their immunisation jabs.

�But I believe in love�and I know that you�do�too�and I believe in some kind of path�that we can walk down me and you��

Today�s Ozzie goth overlord crooner