2001-10-08 - 5:25 p.m.
�If affection holds you back then what is left to hold? If I could find the answer to that question, I�d know the thoughts that clutter up your mind�
The first set of my married friends have just experienced the miracle of childbirth, which is kind of freaky for the single, unemployed, prospectless late-twentysomethings in the social circle, a sub-group that on cursory analysis seems to include just me, though I notice a couple of shaky relationships, and what with the global recession, I�m sure the ranks will swell given time. At least they�ve had the decency never to leave my home town, therefore sparing me (so far) the obligatory going round and saying how great / like his dad / akin to the glorious living Christchild the little mewling cabbage is. I�m no good with those baby noises either � are people trying to imitate the sounds the baby makes? Because if so, why don�t they just wail incessantly at some ungodly pitch and then noisily cough up half a pint of smelly mucus? And the lies you�re socially obliged to come up with. �He�s so cute! He�s such a beautiful baby! He�s the living manifestation of evolutionary perfection!� No, he�s just like every other baby�an ugly little pink bag of shit.
OK, so I have issues with babies. Fine. I�ll just adopt. An 18 year old. With their own apartment.
�The act we act is wearing thin, the act we act under my skin�
As of yesterday - Everything�s Fine!
Here in the PK bunker, I�ll occasionally be having my crack team of Rhesus Monkeys sift through the day�s newspeak for the most confidence-inspiring quotes to reassure you, the reader, that with the International Coalition at the helm, you can sleep easy in your beds knowing that freedom is being safeguarded! Enduringly!
Supposed arms expert, UK radio: �Well, we can avoid civilian casualties because the bombs are guided by highly sophisticated computers though, as you�ll know if you have a computer at home, computers can often go wrong.�
US soldier loading up huge missile: �Well, we�re just going to�bomb some stuff�over here.�
�Forming a conclusion and you�re left standing�
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