2001-08-09 - 6:00 p.m.

�It rained the whole day, spent at his lover�s grave. Said his goodbyes to his family and friends��

Again with the hateful looks as I try and help a commuter-swamped woman down the steps with her pram at the train station. No lady, I don�t want to kidnap, butcher and consume your baby, I just want to help you down some steps in the rush hour. Jesus. But maybe she didn�t hear me offer. You can understand it. Given the way the world is. Given the way�things�are. This city is paranoid to the point of self-parody. We�re all good at paranoia now.

Annoyingly, since I was in the biggest hurry since Moses, I managed to lose my ticket in the transfer between the rail and the tube, a walk of about 200 metres with no major physical obstacles or sumo wrestling bouts or other inconveniences to make my ticket leap from my pocket as far as I can remember. Maybe the baby swiped it under the influence of some vengeful maternal mind-meld.

�Beneath the ash and ember lies only one�story to tell. So watch where you stray my friend.�

I�ve never been to the southern hemisphere. I know the bathwater goes down the plug the opposite way. What happens on the equator, though? Are there next door neighbours in, say, Ecuador, who have bathwater that goes down the plug opposite ways? That would be cool. For about 5 minutes, I guess. I�m not that into spiralling bathwater, to be honest.

So in 4 hours, I�m leavin� on a jet plane for sunny Australia. The flight, which lasts slightly longer than the minimum jail sentence for aggravated assault, should be made more tolerable by the fact that the suckas sending me there have, in a shocking and unprecedented move, shelled out for biz class. I�ve never gone biz before. Always econ. And if you�re going to be in the air so long you have to shave half way through, you don�t want to be in econ. But I shouldn�t gloat. You all go down in the same burning metal coffin fireball if things go tits up. Or maybe business class just keeps on going? I must ask at check-in.

Week one: wandering the bush eating grubs and licking plants in the morning for water. Choice line from the itinerary: �There are no toilet facilities but a shovel and paper are provided.� Week two: Sydney. I assume the bathrooms are a might more sophisticated, though this is Australia so you can never tell. In any case, I must go and throw some things in a bag. And then maybe pack. (I think I stole this joke). I�ll be gone for 2 weeks, but will attempt to update at some point in between, so keep looking in, batfans.

�So watch where you stray, my friend��

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