2001-05-15 - 9:48 p.m.

�Most governments, religions, institutions and weapons of war, were made by a man. I was made by a woman��

So we should have the rough cut of the film by the weekend. I�m intrigued to see it � the rushes were at least technically competent, no blurry out of focus shots or microphones poking over the top of menus in the restaurant scenes, etc. My line looks to survive the cut and is set to take its place in the annals/anals of cinema history. �Hi, I�m, er, here for the meeting...� It combines a sense of warmth with the succinct delivery of an undeniable truth and the all too human slight hesitancy makes it something the audience can really, you know, empathise with. But it�s easy with such great writing. And by that I mean, of course, my writing. Don�t ask me where these lines come from�every script is a spiritual journey through the full range of emotions, from A to B.

The director, too, is optimistic, though his mantra of �This is really good shit, dude� isn�t really over-instilling me with confidence. He also asked me to bet him �30 that it �wouldn�t win a major award at an international festival� and if I�d actually had any money left after making the fucker, I�d definitely take him on. It isn�t really a �winning a prize at an international festival� kind of film. No plot, no particularly sympathetic characters, our biggest star an ageing, faded soap opera actor, and altogether just not that great. It will fulfil its purpose of being a writing show reel, though, and that�s the main thing. I mean, it�s funnier than, say, �Weekend at Bernie�s� or �Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit�, but it�s no Spinal Tap.

�She had stations on her arms, stomach and neck, where a commuter could pay for her ticket to get out of it, whilst a judge comes all over her tits��

Douglas Adams: So long, and thanks for all the books. I assume that epitaph is the height of unoriginality, but hey, there are worse crimes.

�Integrity! Money! Money! And Masturbation!�

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