2001-04-05 - 9:36 p.m.

�Beware the bottled thoughts of angry young men��

So our debut headlining gig turned into a battle of wills, our delicate, alt-country noodlings pitted against the philistine-ridden crowds of the fans of the support band, who saw fit to hang around and talk in VERY! LOUD! VOICES! INDEED! Of course, some would say that�s probably the perfect circumstances under which to endure my vocal stylings, but it really got on my tit end. Of course, you can�t berate the punters without the very real possibility of incoming beverage receptacles, so in true cowardly style we let our music do the, er, fighting. I�d say we lost on points, but only just. We claimed the moral victory. Of course, some might say that claiming the moral victory is the last desperate refuge of an utterly trounced delusional sore loser. To which I reply, �Is the bar still open?�

On a slightly more surreal note, a blind Polish psychologist offered to be our drummer. Now there�s a section of society you don�t get those kind of offers from every day. Hell, they usually want to play bass.

�I�ve loved so many times and I�ve drowned them all��

Potential embarrassment ahead this weekend, as I�m due to attend a wedding. �Ah, going to have too much to drink and proposition the bride�s mother with a jar of pureed monkey glands?� I hear you ask. Well, aside from that, I have the added problem of not having anyone to go with. The invite states me and guest, and in a fit of blind optimism, I cockily RSVP�d in the affirmative to the plus one idea, assuming that I�d easily be able to provide any number of eligible partners with a reason to buy a new frock and an opportunity to quaff inadvisable amounts of booze for free. Of course, I more recently realised that the list of eligible partners isn't particularly extensive � actually about 3 people and one of those is my ex girlfriend. She had other plans. Like going out with her current boyfriend. So, with a mere 2 days to go, I rashly e-mailed an invitation to the 2 other candidates, both of whom replied immediately that they�d �let me know tomorrow�, which sets up an interesting dilemma should they both fancy it. And let�s face it, who wouldn�t? Apart from anyone with a shred of self-dignity, obviously. I see a probable egg/face interface situation, though. But whatever. I claim the moral victory.

�Stay, with me, under these waves tonight��

Today�s special guest

Brad Pitt to play him in forthcoming biopic?!?! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. No.