2001-03-30 - 6:47 p.m.

�What's in the paper? What's in the paper? Earth-quaker... ] Earth-quaker... Whole lotta shaking goin' on down there. Earth-quaker�

Like all mothers, Mother Nature is an evil whore. That�s why I trust her to personally fuck George Bush right up his tight little rodent-like rectum in return for his blatant disregard of the ecological concerns of the Kyoto treaty. I�m not the worlds biggest environmentalist (audible gasp from readership), but has there ever been a more deserving candidate for, say, a lava-fuelled enema than that fruity little oil pusher? Appalled as I am, though, it�s not that shocking when you bear in mind that, and in the words of Saint Bill Hicks, �All governments are liars and murderers.� I don�t think that�s too general or sweeping a statement. My Little Tony will just lie back with his grinning rictus and contemplate their special relationship. What a week to give up smoking.

�What's number one in the chartssss? Bel Biv DeVoe. Bell Biv DeVoe. Number one in the chartssss: Bell Biv DeVoe... Could I have some Cornflakessss? Could I have some Cornflakessss? Can't have Cornflakessss... without a whole lotta milka.�

On the bright side, it�s officially British Summer Time, and sunshine brings the park opposite to life once more � the flowers, the children in the playground and the shady homosexuals wanting a quick blow job in the dense hedgerows. It really puts a spring in your step, especially round that secluded back pathway. It�s about this time of year that my thoughts turn to restarting my exercise routine of early morning starts and long runs around the park, and in fairness, I always get in at least a couple of sessions before the darkness returns in mid-October.

"Doin' okay, gotta whole lotta milka. Your mother's cheated on me. Your mother's cheated on me. Bel Biv DeVoe. Gonna fix the car. Can't fix the car without a whole lotta milka."

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