2001-03-15 - 16:39:10

�A great meal fades in reflection. Everything else gains. You know why? Cause it�s only food��

I love my Mum. Yesterday she knew the answer to a phone-in quiz on daytime TV and phoned in her answer � if you�re selected, they call you back and you go through to a live-on-air round to win money. They called her back and said to wait by the phone as she might be selected for the final, and she spent the next 20 mins in tears because she didn�t want to answer questions on national television. In the end, they chose someone else. I asked her why she phoned in an answer in the first place. She said she didn�t think they�d call her back. I�m sure there�s logic in there somewhere.

Also, she can�t say the word �gig�. She always asks me, �So when has the band got its next jig?� Aw, bless.

Speaking of jigs, the band have been bumped up to headline act at our next live outing, which is good, if by �good� you read �pant-fillingly scary�. We considered just bolstering our usual half hour set by an extra 15 minutes of inter-song banter, but then realised that we didn�t really have any, so resigned ourselves to new material. For musicians, we�re really not over-enthusiastic about writing songs.

�The great fucks you may have had. What do you remember about them? I don�t know � for me, I�m saying, what it is, it�s probably not the orgasm.�

The most frequent way people get to this site is by searching for Davina Mc*all, the enduringly annoying, badly tatooed TV presenter, because I misspelled her name in a previous entry and the hormone-fuelled adolescents looking for nude pics of her who also misspell her name get my site as one of three options. And it happens a lot. SO I don�t know whether to go back and correct the spelling so as not to disappoint the little tossers, or leave it as it is, and bask in the fool�s paradise of looking more well-read than I actually am.

Oh, and someone came through on �Scooby-doo pornography�. That�s nice. Really.

�What is our life? It�s looking forward or looking back. And that�s our life. That�s it. Where�s the moment?�

Today�s special guest