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2001-03-12 - 22:29:44

�I�m in the sky when I�m on the floor�the world�s a mess and you�re my only cure��

A friend of mine�s boyfriend has just admitted to her that he got drunk last night and got involved in a game of full-contact tonsil sports with a woman of the opposite sex. And whilst I can understand her vowed intention to �cut his knackers off�, and at the same time not trying to apologise for my gender (I think we�re a little late for that, aren�t we?), he DOES live blah miles away and I think:

distance + alcohol x pathetic weakness of the male sex = illicit snogarama city.

It�s not great, but it could be worse, I tell her. It was only base one.

Base one is the furthest I ever got to fully understanding the whole �bases� caboodle. There seemed to be controversy over the exact physical requirements of the latter stages. Upper body gropage through a layer of manmade fibres? Unrestricted exploration of the nethers? Just what base was I on? And besides, bases were derived from baseball, an evil American sport. A cricket analogy would have been much more preferable � in essence, there are only 2 bases, which after all would have been much more numerically appropriate for my formative experiences.

�There�s no time for me to act mature�the only words I know are more, more and more��

This said, I�m sure bases amongst young people have moved on considerably since I was concerned with them. First base nowadays is probably classified as no less than a fourteen hour rumpo-fest involving at least two other consenting teenagers, fluffy handcuffs and a vat of pureed monkey glands. Still, we�ve all been there.

But I recall a conversation with a man in a bar who was trying to convince me that the boundaries of what could be considered �unfaithful� behaviour were actually pretty tenuous, and that given the right context, even receiving oral sex could be construed as mere flirting. I remember being sceptical even at MY advanced stage of refreshment, and though I can�t remember the logic behind it now, I�m in the cold light of day, it�s delusional at best.

Anyway, I forget my point.

�There�s no fear when I�m in my room�It�s so clear and I know just what I want to do��

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