2001-02-16 - 14:56:02

��I was hoping to have her in the sack � I was looking handsome, she was looking like an erotic vulture��

My bulging sack�

�of V-Day cards didn�t ever appear, so I�m guessing it was destroyed in a controlled explosion by an insanely jealous postal worker. Don�t forget that when you control the mail, you control�information. A pork pie to anyone who can attribute that quote.

I got some nice wishes, though, from the adorable nymphettes that constitute my readership. And a comment from a Spanish girl that I know who said that I�m �built for men, and not for women�. I�m not sure quite what she meant, and given her remedial exposure to my anatomy, I can assure you it�s all pure speculation.

But no hot monkey sex for pablo.

��I was all dressed in black, she was all dressed up in�black��

The most disgusting thing ever happened to me last night, and I�m even loathe to share it in case you all run away screaming, but I need to purge. We�d been drinking, obviously. A select group, including the French Uma Thurman, with whom a resounding �rien� is occurring, by the way. And we�re in this bar stood around talking and dancing and then�(delicate readers should look away now)�I just got this really quick bout of nausea, and a mouthful of what can only be described as spew came up into my mouth. And being the suave kinda fella that I am, I hold it in there, not wanting to look like some vomming idiot. But then I realise that I don�t know where the toilets are. And I obviously can�t ASK anyone. So I had to do this hurried tour of the place, everyone asking if I�m OK, and me just looking at them, not speaking and trying to uphold basic levels of composure. I�ve never been so pleased to see a sink.

And I wonder why there�s no hot monkey sex for pablo?

�what do you call it when you look at the sky in a poetic kind of way�you know, when you grope�for�luna�

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