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2001-02-10 - 16:04:40

�you sit beside me, so newly charming�sweating dewdrops glisten freshing your side��

Excuse me. �Freshing?� Come now, Simon.

I think for the most part, people will believe more or less anything that you tell them. Especially trivial things. I�m considering how best to use this for my (professional) advantage. This may sound like cynical exploitation of the public�s gullibility.

Ahem.

Hahaha. See my use of the word �professional� in that previous paragraph. Makes it sound like I almost am. I�m actually the least professional person I know. �Work ethic�. �Perfectionism�. �Don�t worry, I�ll stay late to make up for this afternoon�s display of incompetence�. These concepts are foreign to me. Don�t say a prayer for me now � save it for the morning after.

I�m having problems with people not reading from the script. Specifically, my script. It�s very annoying when this happens, and it means you have to, like, deal with things not going your way. Which I�m very bad at, as I�m sure are you. You are. Oh, you know what I mean. What are YOU? Like, the grammar tsar? I smell like I sound, in touch with the ground, and I�m hungry like the wolf.

�And the sun drips down bedding heavy behind, the front of your dress all shadowy lined, the droning engine throbs in time with your beating heart��

Here are some punchlines to jokes I�ve forgotten:

Hawk kestral man hoovers in the dark.

I wish I had cancer.

Death by Gumma!

I�m listening to and quoting Duran Duran, since I was recently reminded of a formative incident involving the leading lights of the New Romantic movement. I won�t go into details, but suffice to say �the Chauffeur� off the album �Arena� will forever be associated with my first exposure to pornography. Ah, the innocence of youth, plucked to the strains of a man called Le Bon. Don�t say you�re easy on me�you�re about as easy as a nuclear war.

�Sing��blue silver��

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