2001-01-22 - 13:35:22

�A pretty girl is like a minstrel show�it makes you laugh, it makes you cry, you go��

Funny how things work out. A fundraising party for a short film that almost immediately hinted at the fact that, if it were to raise anything at all, it was unlikely to be funds. Half the invited people came, but those who did made a sterling effort and everyone looked amazing, gangsters and molls and flappers alike. Me, I was very Cosa Nostra, right down to my gleaming spats. And, hey, it was an open bar, so let the good times roll, eh?

Amazingly, the Good Looking Uma Thurman showed. Since I had to circulate a lot, I kept losing her, though. It was really quite frustrating, especially when I came back from the toilet to find her cornered by a really tall, particularly good looking guy from New Zealand, who was about to endanger his previously good chances of being asked to produce the film. That�s a lose-lose situation�you can either risk looking like an idiot and butt right in, forcing yourself on the conversation, or be completely inactive and let their budding relationship develop unhindered. Preferring the coward�s shield of inaction, I took the latter route. When he went to the bar, I moved in. When I went to talk to some people, he moved back. There was plenty of to-ing, and a not inconsiderable amount of fro-ing, I can tell you. But it all looked pretty doomed as they took to the dancefloor and slow-danced for a bit. But with uncharacteristic resourcefulness and increasing levels of desperation, I immediately got the DJ�s to up the pace. Hey, all�s fair, right? And then�an amazing thing happened. They stepped back and�the man just�could not dance. I don�t mean he just wasn�t particularly good, I mean he was really, really�awful. Like an elderly relative at a wedding when they play speed garage. And the look in Uma�s eyes at this�I hate to sound cruel, but�aberration of rhythm, well, it was all I could do to not collapse laughing. And then I took the obvious course of action and skipped right on over, not that I�m Mr Dancefloor hotshot but next to the flailing Kiwi...well, it was win-win. Reader, I had the last dance.

�A pretty girl is like a violent crime�if you do it wrong, you could do time, but if you do it right, it is sublime��

I couldn�t sleep. Or, at least, I kept waking up. Just to�look at her. Not in a creepy, pervy way. Just to see how beautiful she was. Is. Nothing much had happened. She�d been worried about getting home. I�d offered my futon (I�m very gallant like that). We just lay in bed together, her in one of my t-shirts, and I held her as she fell asleep. I didn�t want the morning to come. We drank tea in bed and I just sat mesmerised and afraid to kiss her. We haven�t kissed. I�m kind of dazed.

�A melody is like a pretty girl�who cares if it�s the dumbest in the world? It�s all about the way that it unfurls�.a pretty girl is like�a pretty girl.�

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